The Flash Mob Witness That Was Outnumbered

“Hi, I’m Detective Barnum and this is Sargent Bailey and you are, let me see here, Maurice Sandoval.”

“That’s right officer, sir.”

“And you were in the ‘Pop and Scotch’ mini-mart when you were arrested?”

“Well, yeah I work down the street at the Mary Jane dispensary so I come in lots.”

“So, tell us what happened.”

“Okay, I’m filling up my Mega Cherry Slurry when this guy comes running in yelling he’s ‘the big winner’.”

“The big winner?”

“Yeah, says he’s the big lotto winner. So, Ruben, the cashier behind the counter, he comes over to check out the numbers. And I slide over next to the guy to check ’em out too. But, it turns out the guy’s a loser.”


“Yeah, a loser. Ruben goes over the winning numbers and only one of them matches.”

“Just one?”

“Right, just one. Ain’t worth nothing. Then the guy yells at my man to put it in the lotto machine to check it again, which he does. But he’s still a loser. And then the guy starts ranting about this and that and leaves the store.”

“Okay, then what?”

“So, I’m picking up some nachos and gummi bears and such, and all of a sudden a bunch of people run in like, I dunno, some sort of country cousin flash mob. Then the guy follows them in and stands at the door yelling, ‘It’s a big lie, we won’.”

“So he’s telling everyone it’s a big lie but he knows it isn’t?”


“Can you describe him?”

“Large round guy, kinda you know, big-boned. Sorta like a white Fat Albert.”

“And then?”

“So everyone’s standing around all nervous like and big boy walks up to the counter and says to check the numbers again. So, Ruben, he’s getting a little pissed off but he reads them again real loud for everyone to hear. And yeah, he’s still a loser. Then the fat man yells out, ‘We’re just a few numbers off but the machine is rigged’ and stuff like that.”

“He’s telling them the machine is rigged?”

“Yeah. Then he says somethin’ to everyone like ‘it’s not my money they’re stealing, it’s your money’.”

“So, you’re saying this guy is telling the mob that the clerk is lying to them, the machines can’t be trusted and it’s their money that’s being stolen. Does that sound about right Maurice?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Excuse my language, but what the fuck. And next thing all the shelves and stuff is getting knocked over and a bunch of guys are trying to smash the bulletproof glass to get over the counter.”

“With their fists?”

“With anything they could throw. So, that’s when Ruben pulls up his sawed off and everyone starts running. And then the cops rolled up.”

“And where were you?”

“I’m stuck by the Crinkles.”

“And where’s the guy who started it all?”

“Oh, fat man? He ran off with a case of Diet Cokes as soon as his crew started mixing it up.”

“So, you’re saying you never participated in this, just a wrong place, wrong time kind of thing?”

“That’s right officer.”

“Okay, anything you’d like to add?”

“Well yeah, there are some crazy motherfuckers out there. So, we cool?”

“Yeah, we’re cool. We’ll go over the tapes but you‘re free to go.”


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