The Politically Correct Witness Tells All

“Hi, I’m Detective Robinson and this is Detective Crusoe. Would you tell us your name please?”

“I’d rather not.”

“Okay, I understand that. You’re not the first person who witnessed a crime to be reluctant to give us your name.  We can get back to that at the end of our conversation. So, do you think you’d recognize the person who ran out of the bank if you saw them again?”


“That’s great.  Was it a man or a woman?”

“I can’t be sure. It may have been.”

“But you got a good look at the person, right?”

“Oh, yeah.  But they may consider themselves non-gender or trans or – I can’t be sure. I don’t want to speculate. I’d say gender neutral.”

“How about them being white, black, Hispanic?  What would you say?”

“I couldn’t say. I don’t really see color when I look at someone. I don’t like judging people based on something like that.”

“Ahh, okay.  How about their height and weight? Let’s start with their height.”

“Well, they were much taller than me. But a couple of inches shorter than the detective standing over there.”

“And how tall would you say you are?”

“About five-seven.”

“So, you’re about the same height as my partner but you think whoever it was, was much taller than you but smaller than my partner.”

“Give or take, yes.”


“I’d say they were overweight but please don’t tell them I said that.”

“Okay, I won’t. How about their age?”

“Roughly I’d say 25, 30.  But I’m not good at guessing someone’s age; I mean if they ate right, took care of themselves it would help them look younger. So maybe, maybe between twenty and fifty years old.“

“So, somewhere in that thirty year spread.  And what about their clothes?”

“Not something I’d wear. But it’s really a matter of personal taste. Who are we to judge, right?”

“Right, who are we to judge. Okay, let me know if this kinda’ sums up the description you’ve told me so far. You saw an ageless, overweight man or woman of a variable height, no specific color or nationality wearing something unfashionable run from the bank?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Well, okay then but before we wrap this up is there anything, anything else you can think of?”

“Well, if there’s a reward can I get some?”

“Oh yeah sure. sure. And based on how helpful you’ve been you could get all of it but you’ll have to tell us how we can contact you. Let’s start with your name.”

“I’d rather not.”

Gil Prowler writes political and social commentary



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