To My President,
I was so proud today when my eight year old told me he wants to be president just like you when he grows up. And he was so happy when I told him he already acted just like you until I had to send him off to his room for grabbing his sister’s privates. He called me some bad names and made fun of my crippled leg but I couldn’t be mad at him, not for too long anyways, after he reminded me that’s what presidents do now. Thanks for being you. MAGA!
Lu Ann, Arkansas
Dear Mr. President Trump,
I’m stoked that you’re my president and people like you are in congress. I can hardly wait until you guys finally get rid of that ugly bad Obamacare and a bunch of stuffy rules and stuff. Sure, I probably won’t live all that long after that, or care to, me being the sickly way I am and all, but it’s still great news! That’s because now I know I have to hurry up and get as much living in while I can still wipe myself. So, tomorrow I’m going to quit my job at Shoney’s, pile up on opioids, hit the road and live life to the fullest. Thanks. MAGA!
Donald J. Trump I like your twits because I can’t think of smart things to write about for too long either. I’m already out of stuff to say.
To Our Commander in Chief,
Sir, you’re the best and I’m pretty sure you can do anything. I was wondering, could you make the sun come up a little later or move it over some because the rooster keeps waking me up so damn early. I don’t care if he’s right about it being dawn, I just don’t want to hear it anymore. Or should I just kill the rooster? What do you think? MAGA!
Jeff, West Virginia
Dear Mr. Trump,
Every day I thank God for the example He has given us through you. Through your blasphemous behavior, profane language and hollow promises you have shown us how imperfect man is, no matter how great he may believe himself to be. May the Lord continue to work through you in His very, very mysterious ways. Make JESUS Great Again!
Pastor Paul, Alabama
Thanks for telling all them foreigners to shove it. I can’t remember the last time the world did anything good for me. MAGA!
Gil Prowler writes political and social commentary.