Trump Brain Scan Said To Reveal Large Amounts Of “Styrofoam Like Filler”

An MRI is said to reveal that large portions of former president Donald Trump’s brain consisted of a useless ‘Styrofoam like’ substance rather than the essential white or grey matter needed to maintain a cognitive thought process.

The source, a physician at Walter Reed Medical Center who had access to the findings but was not authorized to speak, says that it was “astonishing that anyone could function with a cerebral make up better suited to ship a package. Yet he is not only the de facto leader of the modern day Republican Party but  likely to be their presidential candidate.”

Dr. Philip Scholls, Chief of Neurology at Barnyard University Hospital, who reviewed the report, believes that this is “one of those rare instances in science that’s both a mystery and an explanation.”

“It is not uncommon,“ said Scholls, “that such an individual would have, at best, a severely diminished capacity to process reality. Often subjects in his condition have little self-awareness leading to a never-ending pattern of irrational thoughts, rambling remarks and moronic behavior. Frankly, if I was his lawyer I’d use that in his defense.”

Added Scholls, “It’s also quite possible that this disorder may be hereditary, as evidenced by the conduct of his eldest sons, Don Jr. and Eric.”

According to the unreleased report other tests found that the president’s feet are considered ‘petite’ for a man of his girth, he showed an inability to recognize certain colors and genders and has dangerously high levels of gas and bile.

Gil Prowler writes satirical and social commentary.


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