Giddy GOP Members Said to “Wet Their Pants’ at Impeachment Hearings

Republican members sitting on the House Intelligence Committee holding the impeachment hearings against President Donald Trump were reportedly so excited for the opportunity to be on the panel that they may have wet their pants during the proceedings. The source, Continue reading Giddy GOP Members Said to “Wet Their Pants’ at Impeachment Hearings

Report: ISIS Says Trump, GOP “Bigger Threat to America Than Us”

American intelligence sources, as well as a pack of cub scouts on a ham radio in Newfoundland, say they have intercepted communications between ISIS and other terrorist groups that lauded the United States withdrawal of troops from Syria. The communiques Continue reading Report: ISIS Says Trump, GOP “Bigger Threat to America Than Us”

Trump Brain Scan Said To Reveal Large Amounts Of “Styrofoam Like Filler”

According to a physician at Walter Reed Hospital, the results of President Donald Trump’s recent physical included an MRI that showed large portions of his brain consisted of a useless ‘Styrofoam like’ substance rather than the essential white or grey Continue reading Trump Brain Scan Said To Reveal Large Amounts Of “Styrofoam Like Filler”

Trump Considered Daughter Tiffany As Next Attorney General

According to sources in the White House, President Donald Trump considered appointing his youngest daughter Tiffany to the position of acting United States Attorney General. He is said to have told them that after she graduates Georgetown Law School she Continue reading Trump Considered Daughter Tiffany As Next Attorney General

Measure of ‘Lowest Common Denominator‘ Among Americans Near Zero

The benchmark for the so-called ‘lowest common denominator’ of Americans is now close to bottoming out. “Any lower and we’ll be flat lining,” says Owen Richards, head of statistical analysis at More On, a California think tank. The term represents Continue reading Measure of ‘Lowest Common Denominator‘ Among Americans Near Zero

Trump Plans To Replace English Alphabet With American Version

President Trump is expected to sign an executive order to replace the familiar English language alphabet and grammar with an American version to reduce the United State’s dependence on foreign imports. That decision, according to an unnamed  source, was discussed Continue reading Trump Plans To Replace English Alphabet With American Version

Trump Fears “Border Conflict Between North And South Dakota”

Donald Trump has reportedly ordered the Secretary of the Interior David Bernhardt and members of the National Guard to unify those states in America that claim the same name. He said “we have to settle any simmering differences starting with Continue reading Trump Fears “Border Conflict Between North And South Dakota”

Attendees At Trump Rallies Think ‘Roe vs. Wade’ Is Upcoming UFC Fight

In a series of surveys taken of those attending President Trump’s rallies some thirty-one percent thought “Roe versus Wade,” the Supreme Court decision upholding abortion rights, was actually an upcoming UFC fight while another nineteen-percent believed it was two of Continue reading Attendees At Trump Rallies Think ‘Roe vs. Wade’ Is Upcoming UFC Fight

Stephen Miller’s Vampirism Linked To Missing Border Children

A classified report from the Department of Homeland Security is said to implicate senior White House advisor Steven Miller’s recurrence of his life long struggle with vampirism in the disappearance of migrant children separated from their parents at the border. Continue reading Stephen Miller’s Vampirism Linked To Missing Border Children

Rise in Spontaneous Human Combustion Fueled by Trump Election

An alarming increase in cases of spontaneous human combustion (SHC) among Americans is reportedly due in large part to anger from the election of Donald Trump and a Republican led Senate. That’s according to an explosive study by a leading Continue reading Rise in Spontaneous Human Combustion Fueled by Trump Election