Elon Musk To Proclaim He’s Direct Descendant Of Jesus

Billionaire whiz kid and social media czar Elon Musk will reportedly issue a statement where he claims to be a direct descendant of Jesus Christ. The assertion by the prominent technocrat is said to be based on an advanced genealogical mapping software he has developed.

According to a Musk insider, who asked not to be named for their protection as well as their family, the Boring tunnel builder has always been fascinated with tracing his lineage to help explain what he called his own “incredible mind and sense of humor.”

“He wasn’t satisfied with the answers he was getting with over-the-counter DNA samplers,” said the source, ”so he employed leading authorities in the field of genetics, chemistry and crime lab investigation as well as hotel maids to assist him to dramatically improve the science of genetic research.”

One of the cutting edge features of the program is said to be its ability to trace specific names of generations of relatives even if they had never submitted biological samples. ”Finding out that he was related to Jesus was just a happy coincidence,” said the confident.

Musk, who’s African American, plans to release supporting data when he publicly introduces the company via his Twitter feed. The ancestral program is expected to be marketed for commercial use through his newly formed entity dubbed  ‘X Y See’.

Although Musk will announce his family ties with Jesus, and by inference God, he will not claim to be Jewish. Said the insider, “Musk isn’t about to imply he’s Jewish so as not to alienate a good portion of his own disciples.”

Elon has also reportedly told those close to him that he finds it puzzling that if Jesus was actually Jewish why no one who’s Jewish is named Jesus.

Gil Prowler writes political and social commentary



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