Trump Reportedly Petitions Vatican For Martyrdom Status

President Donald Trump is said to have secretly petitioned the Vatican to be added to a list of perspective martyrs. The president, according to an unnamed White House source, believes that “no one since Jesus Christ has someone faced as Continue reading Trump Reportedly Petitions Vatican For Martyrdom Status

NRA: Large Crowds Of People To Blame For Mass Shootings

A senior executive at the National Rifle Association reportedly told board members that the organization needs to promote the idea that people who gather in large groups have to take some responsibly for mass shootings. The source, who attended the Continue reading NRA: Large Crowds Of People To Blame For Mass Shootings

Scuffle At Brooklyn Cafe As Customers Declare ’No Coffee, No Peace’

A melee broke out early this morning at a coffee shop in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn between those waiting in line to order their tall, grandes and ventis and the steady stream of customers who ordered online and sauntered Continue reading Scuffle At Brooklyn Cafe As Customers Declare ’No Coffee, No Peace’

Trump Brain Scan Said To Reveal Large Amounts Of “Styrofoam Like Filler”

A recent MRI is said to reveal that large portions of President Donald Trump’s brain consisted of a useless ‘Styrofoam like’ substance rather than the essential white or grey matter needed to maintain a cognitive thought process. The source, a Continue reading Trump Brain Scan Said To Reveal Large Amounts Of “Styrofoam Like Filler”

Trump PAC Seeks To Push 2nd Amendment Into First Place

A political action committee (PAC) said to be aligned with President Donald Trump reportedly plans on putting a referendum on ballots throughout the country  that would give voters a voice in repositioning the order of the Constitutional amendments. The move Continue reading Trump PAC Seeks To Push 2nd Amendment Into First Place

‘Twitter Karen’ Shames Man For Crossing Before Light Turns Green

  A man in Baltimore, Maryland, who was pictured on Twitter stepping off a curb before the signal turned green, has been shamed by  ‘Twitter Karen’ and over three hundred and sixty thousand others. The man, identified as Seth Jackson, Continue reading ‘Twitter Karen’ Shames Man For Crossing Before Light Turns Green

Trump Believed International Space Station Was ’I.S.I.S. Threat’

President Donald Trump was said to have considered destroying the International Space Station when he confused its initials of I.S.S. with the Islamic State terrorist’s organization’s abbreviation I.S.I.S. According to an anonymous whistleblower, Trump became visibly upset after reading the Continue reading Trump Believed International Space Station Was ’I.S.I.S. Threat’

Trump Plans To Replace English Alphabet With American Version

President Trump is expected to sign an executive order to replace the familiar English language alphabet and grammar with an American version to reduce the United State’s dependence on foreign imports. That decision, according to an unnamed  source, was discussed Continue reading Trump Plans To Replace English Alphabet With American Version

Hillary Emails Lay Out Why She Hung With Bill After Affair

A series of confidential emails discovered during an investigation of Hillary Clinton’s online accounts are said to contain correspondence revealing that the former first lady believed oral sex meant ‘talking dirty’ rather than an actual physical act. According to a Continue reading Hillary Emails Lay Out Why She Hung With Bill After Affair

Fox News Said To Join Trump In Re-Election Reality Show

Fox News is said to be in negotiations with President Donald Trump to co-produce a reality show tied to his re-election campaign. The program, tentatively titled “The Emissary”, will pit selected high end contributors to the Republican party and GOP Continue reading Fox News Said To Join Trump In Re-Election Reality Show