Giddy GOP Members Said to “Wet Their Pants’ at Impeachment Hearings

Republican members sitting on the House Intelligence Committee holding the impeachment hearings against President Donald Trump were reportedly so excited for the opportunity to be on the panel that they may have wet their pants during the proceedings. The source, Continue reading Giddy GOP Members Said to “Wet Their Pants’ at Impeachment Hearings

Justice Department Targets Return Of ‘Summary Executions’

A legal brief being drafted by the Department of Justice is said to advocate the use of ‘summary executions’ as an “idea whose time has come again”. The term refers to immediately executing a person accused of a crime without Continue reading Justice Department Targets Return Of ‘Summary Executions’

Ivanka Trump To Visit Disneyworld’s EPCOT On Diplomatic Mission

Ivanka Trump, an advisor to President Donald Trump, is reportedly scheduled to embark on a fact-finding trip to Disneyworld’s EPCOT’s exhibits of international countries to bolster her foreign affairs credentials. According to an aide, who spoke off the record, Ms. Continue reading Ivanka Trump To Visit Disneyworld’s EPCOT On Diplomatic Mission

Agitated Lawmakers Tumble In Congressional Laundry Room

A melee broke out in the Congressional Laundry Room when members of the House of Representatives came to blows over the meaning of “separating the coloreds from the whites”. According to a maintenance worker, who spoke off the record, the Continue reading Agitated Lawmakers Tumble In Congressional Laundry Room

Trump Considered Daughter Tiffany As Next Attorney General

According to sources in the White House, President Donald Trump considered appointing his youngest daughter Tiffany to the position of acting United States Attorney General. He is said to have told them that after she graduates Georgetown Law School she Continue reading Trump Considered Daughter Tiffany As Next Attorney General

Trump IRS Returns Found In Garage Sale Picture Frame

What was first thought to be a reprint of a Margaret Keane ‘wide-eye waif’ purchased at a Schenectady, New York garage sale turned out to conceal a copy of President Donald Trump’s latest federal and state tax returns. A spokesperson Continue reading Trump IRS Returns Found In Garage Sale Picture Frame

Trump Plans To Replace English Alphabet With American Version

President Trump is expected to sign an executive order to replace the familiar English language alphabet and grammar with an American version to reduce the United State’s dependence on foreign imports. That decision, according to an unnamed  source, was discussed Continue reading Trump Plans To Replace English Alphabet With American Version

Report: ISIS Says Trump, GOP “Bigger Threat to America Than Us”

American intelligence sources, as well as a pack of cub scouts on a ham radio in Newfoundland, say they have intercepted communications between ISIS and other terrorist groups that lauded the United States withdrawal of troops from Syria. The communiques Continue reading Report: ISIS Says Trump, GOP “Bigger Threat to America Than Us”

Trump Fears “Border Conflict Between North And South Dakota”

Donald Trump has reportedly ordered the Secretary of the Interior David Bernhardt and members of the National Guard to unify those states in America that claim the same name. He said “we have to settle any simmering differences starting with Continue reading Trump Fears “Border Conflict Between North And South Dakota”

Attendees At Trump Rallies Think ‘Roe vs. Wade’ Is Upcoming UFC Fight

In a series of surveys taken of those attending President Trump’s rallies some thirty-one percent thought “Roe versus Wade,” the Supreme Court decision upholding abortion rights, was actually an upcoming UFC fight while another nineteen-percent believed it was two of Continue reading Attendees At Trump Rallies Think ‘Roe vs. Wade’ Is Upcoming UFC Fight